I'm picking out a thermos for you

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tube Time: 24 (Day 4)

Four weeks ago, I was perhaps the only person in the country not watching 24, the hit Kiefer Sutherland show on FOX. But on the strong recommendation of A. and A. (no relation), I gave in and TiVo'd Season 4 (or "Day 4" in 24 parlance), just to see what all the fuss was about.
And now that I've finally finished the heart-stopping 24-episode season, the reviews are in:
24 is ridiculous. With a capital R.

For example, here's what happens during Day 4, a supposedly continuous twenty-four hour period:
- terrorists blow up a train in California, which is just a cover for a plot to:
- kidnap the Secretary of Defense and his daughter Audrey (coincidentally, Jack's girlfriend), which is just a cover for a plan to:
- melt down all of the country's nuclear power plants, killing millions, which is just a cover for a plan to:
- steal an F-16 fighter jet and shoot down Air Force One, killing the president, which is just a means to:
- recover the "nuclear football," so that terrorists can steal a nuclear missile and fire it at Los Angeles.

Whew! Can you imagine the planning? I can barely do my laundry and shop for groceries on the same day, and these people planned not one, not two, but FIVE horrendous acts of terrorism in one 24-hour period.

Or, let's recall the emotional and physical toll on Audrey Raines in this one day. First, she confessess to her boyfriend Jack that she's falling in love with him, then she's kidnapped by terrorists and held hostage with her father, attempts to commit suicide to thwart her kidnappers, is rescued, returns to work (still looking good), tells her ex-husband Paul she no longer loves him, then discovers Paul may have terrorist ties, and as a result has to watch her boyfriend Jack torture Paul, after which her ex-husband Paul is shot while saving boyfriend Jack's life, so Audrey waits and watches Paul undergo life-saving surgery, a relapse, and a 2nd surgery, before she decides she does love him and wants to quit her job to help him rehab. At which point, Paul relapses again, goes into surgery (again), and then dies tragically after boyfriend Jack barges in and forces the doctor to stop operating on Paul. At which point, Audrey tells Jack she hates him, only to then watch him be killed an hour later in a shootout with the Secret Service.

Whew! And I thought my day was stressful...

In short, this show is ridiculous. No one ever gets tired, absurd plot twists just keep on coming, the intelligence analysts always find the perfect information just in time, and the country is in incredible peril for 24 hours, only to be saved single-handedly by Jack Bauer in the nick of time.

Like I said, 24 is ridiculous. Ridiculously good, that is. When does the next season start?

J to the effin' K



What Famous Leader Are You?

Hmmm... I don't quite know what to say about my personality test results. Except maybe, do I make you horny, baby?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Party Shuffle

You know how as your music collection expands, you inevitably stop listening to some of your favorite old CD's? Well, thank God for iTunes 'Party Shuffle' functionality. I've been listening to my music collection on party shuffle recently, and it's forced me to re-discover just how awesome some bands are that I haven't listened to forever. Especially:
- Stone Temple Pilots
- Dispatch
- The Samples
- Phish (yes, I was a huge fan back in HS)

Anyway, on the subject of party shuffle, this is for a special someone out there who recently discovered the magic of iPod shuffle.

(And I'm so glad Apple called it "party" shuffle rather than just shuffle, because now I get to feel like I'm having a party every day at work rather than just procrastinating.)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Who needs illegal NSA wiretappping...

... when this shop moves in down the street?

Seriously, people: we would not have invaded Iraq if the Bushies had only visited the Spy Shop.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Sisterly help

Apparently, my sister called my parents over the weekend and told them she had seen the perfect girl for me. Those of you who know my track record in college will immediately understand. Check her out here and here.

Thanks for the help, A. She's pretty cute, and I do like athletic girls. But you can tell Lindsey that I don't date silver medalists. Win gold in the 2010 Snowboardcross and then we'll talk.

Bolivian Marching Powder

Normally in LA, when people talk about white powder, they're not referring to the kind that falls from the sky (although that's a great idea for a kick-ass party!). But over the weekend, we had some of the legal, falling-from-the-sky kind of white powder.

Well, maybe it didn't snow in LA proper, but it was close enough that you could see it from my roof. Despite the frigid cold (40's at night!), it was gorgeous.

For a better view, click on the panoramic photo:

Friday, February 17, 2006

A Celebration of Loneliness and Misery

Guarantee this is the best place on campus to pick up chicks.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

PSK 2006

Here in the City of Angels, not all are angels like myself. No, our fair city is home to some fairly sketchy industries. Take Hollywood, for example - you just know that Ben Affleck is sketchy. And then there's the shipping port of Long Beach - totally sketch. But the most infamous industry of all resides in the Valley: pornography (shudder).

Thankfully, our proximity to such an iniquitous industry does have its benefits. Like Porn Star Karaoke! Now, I know what you're thinking: what gives porn stars the right to defile a squeaky clean, family-friendly activity like karaoke? But come on - everyone's job is stressful. Who among us hasn't needed to cut loose after a stressful day of facials and lesbian clinchers? And why shouldn't porn stars be allowed to embrace their inner chanteuse? Sardo's in Burbank agrees, so they host PSK every Tuesday.

I've been meaning to go for a long time, but it wasn't until last Tuesday that I finally made it. How was it? Awesome. Obviously, karaoke is always fun, but even more fun is the PSK guessing game: Porn Star or Not Porn Star? The women in skimpy clothes pictured here who are busy making love to the camera (OK, not my camera) are not playing very hard. Even in LA, you don't normally see this much silicone. Porn stars!

But then there are the normally dressed, attractive women. They know how to make the game tough; are they porn stars? Maybe, maybe not. They could just be there for the karaoke. Is it offensive to ask? ("Uh... didn't I see you in Forrest Hump?") Personally, I think that should be a compliment.

And the unattractive girls? You figure they've got to be pornstars. Probably really dirty ones.

Highlight of the night: my picture with Lori Lust (link extremely NSFW, but check out the "best body in the industry" if you can). She gave me a signed copy of her latest "cover" (which is actually one of those crappy free magazines you see at street corners, next to LA Weekly) and her business card, which says she's available for parties. Hmmm, my birthday is coming up....

So, if you're ever bored on a Tuesday night, I highly recommend the PSK. It's got something for everyone: karaoke, booze, and scantily dressed women.

And for the ladies who aren't interested in porn stars? Well, at least you'll get to check out the professional porn photographers, who all bear an uncanny resemblence to this guy:

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

When arrows don't penetrate, Cupid grabs the pistol

My name is Cupid Valentino. And in honor of Saint Valentine, a photo essay, as enacted by Spongebob Squarepants chocolate-flavored characters:


For me???


Who farted? Ah, Patrick!


Damn right - kiss it, Spongebob!


Inappropriate Valentine's touching
(But I think he likes it)

There's all this talk about/
Santa Claus/
But, Cupid will not be defeated.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Shawnee Mission Wonderful

The serendipity of the web. Gotta love it. Found this picture online today, while not even searching for dear old alma mater:

I say this sign is totally photoshopped. No way the perpetrators changed it like they claim. Check out the post here.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Brains

Who says science isn't fun? From Dueber et al, Science 2003 (301):
Briefly, brains were homogenized in an equal volume of buffer (50 mM PIPES (pH 6.8), 5 mM EGTA, 2 mM MgCl2, 1 mM DTT, 0.1 PMSF, and 0.2 mM ATP) using a blender (Waring).

Brains in a blender? Cool.


Note to my reader(s): I was totally going to move away from the Steve Martin theme, but this was just too easy.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Torino: WTF?

Everyone! Everyone! It's the Olympics! What excitement!

Oh, wait, the
Winter Olympics? Never mind, that doesn't sound very exciting. Curling? Ice dancing?? Cross-country skiing while carrying a rifle??? WTF?

I, for one, would be more excited if the feature sports like ice skating featured hot women that were, say, older than 15. I just can't seem to get excited about 15-year olds in skin-tight leotards. That's probably a good thing. At least Michelle Kwan is legal.

Anyway, my favorite sports writer has a good column today about the "mood" of Torino:

Bode Miller, the official American magazine cover subject of the 2006 Winter Games, is not staying in the village because he doesn’t see it as a “healthy living environment.” This is a guy who slid down at a mountain at 80 mph while drunk.

Eventually, Joe does find the mood of Torino:

They haven’t exactly finished all the Olympic projects — like, you know, the subway — but the general feeling seems to be: “Hey, it’s too late to worry about that now. Let’s drink some wine and smoke.” In fact, that’s the mood here — “Let’s Drink Some Wine and Smoke.” There have been worse mottos.

Read what else Joe Posnanski has to say here.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Global Warming

Life can be rough here in the City of Angels. Take today, for example:

Sunny 84°F
Feels Like
81°F
Maybe our long, harsh Southern Californian winter has finally broken (it is February, after all).

Days like today really make me wish the sub-basement had windows. Or wish that they would unshackle my chains and let me outside.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Rabbit Fur Coat

Belated, I know. Last Thursday, Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley fame and her new-found friends the Watson Twins played Los Feliz's Vista Theatre (which actually is a movie theatre) in support of JL's solo project, Rabbit Fur Coat.

As usual, JL = hott. And, during the opening act, I had my brush with indie rock greatness when I walked by JL, who was hanging out at the back of the theatre, enjoying a Pacifico.

But what about the music, you ask? Quite a departure from the indie-pop of RK. Actually, it's got a country vibe, mixed with some gospel. Lots of simple, almost twangy guitar and soaring harmonies. To go with the country / gospel theme of the music, JL & the WT handed out "hymnals," presumably so you could sing along. Which might have happened if it weren't so dark in the Vista.

All in all, a great venue, a great show, one great singer.

The deflowering of Thermos

Welcome to the inaugural post of my blog! In your honor, (singing) I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in. (end singing - thank God)

I'd like to claim that my blog will broaden your horizons, challenge your preconceptions, and stimulate your grey matter. But it probably won't. It will more likely just be random observations and meditations on the quotidian that is life in the City of Angels, ranging from the merely boring to the inane. Enjoy! Or don't.